Love, Life, & Beyond

As I celebrate 9 years of me being a parent to a tiny human, here’s what I’m thinking about. One of the toughest and most frustrating while, at the same time, fulfilling jobs you’ll ever have is Parenting. There are no clear-cut rules for raising your child and no universally right or wrong ways to do it. Gentle parenting and positive parenting are the ideals we aspire to, but often fall short in achieving it.

Too often, we get caught up in thinking about all the things we did wrong as parents or the ways we could’ve done things differently. But today, instead of focusing on the mistakes, I thought, why not give credit where it’s due and take a moment to reflect on some of the things I’ve done right?

Here are a few things I know for sure have worked well for us. 

Waiting till I was ready to be a parent

This is Step 1. If I had been forced into having a baby (by societal expectations or just by my belief in what my role as a woman was) before I was ready, I would be filled with resentment and wouldn’t be able to see beyond that. Telling myself that I wanted this has gotten me through some very difficult nights with my baby.

Setting a sleep routine

From the time he was a baby, we established a consistent bedtime routine to signal that it was time for sleep. We didn’t use the cry-it-out method or let him sleep whenever he wanted. Instead, we created a calming evening ritual. By 6 pm, he would have his dinner. After a little playtime, we’d give him a warm bath and then read him a story, making sure the lights were off by 7 pm. We’d stay with him in the dark until he fell asleep, sometimes with some soothing music playing. When he woke up during the night as a baby, if his diaper didn’t need changing, we kept the room dark and quiet. If he needed feeding, whether it was a bottle or nursing, we did it without turning on the lights, gently rocking him back to sleep. 

As he grew up, we tucked him in and had a quick catch up on his day, then left the room for him to sleep on his own. This routine paid off and even now, he goes to bed at 8 pm and wakes up at 6 am on his own. Mornings are smooth and stress-free, making school days a breeze for all of us.

Making time for father-son bonding

My husband has always been an early riser, whereas I love my mornings to start late. From the time our son was born, he would take over after the early morning nursing sessions. This allowed me to catch up on much-needed sleep while giving them an opportunity to connect. I had decided to be a stay-at-home mom, so I had plenty of time to spend with our son during the day. These peaceful morning moments have become their special time, free from any rush or distractions. They still continue this whenever there’s no school to get ready for; whether it’s a short trek, cycle ride, or a breakfast date, it’s been a wonderful way for them to build a close bond, and I’ve been grateful for the extra rest.

Regulating screen time

I was made aware of the negative effects of screens on kids when my son was a few months old. Since then, I made a conscious effort to regulate it. We’ve always kept screen time to a minimum, using a curated list as a last resort when all other options have been used. Screens were never allowed at mealtimes, and certainly not every day. Now, as an 8-year-old, he understands he won’t get any TV time during the school week. He watches TV or plays on his iPad only on weekends and holidays, and we might occasionally have the TV on at dinner. There’s absolutely no scrolling through videos on the phone and his content is monitored by us. This consistency has paid off; he doesn’t ask for screen time every day and instead enjoys playing outside or with his toys. We have also gone for long drives without him using a tablet. Having said that, he hasn’t been deterred from the attractions of the screen. He would jump at the chance to watch TV at any time of the day.

Breaking free from gender roles

My husband and I don’t stick to traditional gender roles. Although I chose to be a stay-at-home mom since my husband had a higher salary, and we wanted one of us to be a full-time parent, this decision didn’t dictate our roles within the house. From cooking and cleaning to child care, my husband and I do them all. Our son has grown up seeing both of us in the kitchen. In the past year, he’s also seen me return to work from home. He does not associate any kind of work as being a man’s job or a woman’s job. 

When it comes to self-expression, we’ve encouraged him to be true to himself. We let him wear what he likes, even if that means buying colourful and sparkly tees from the girls’ section. Once, when he wanted to twirl in a skirt, I improvised one with a long scarf. He enjoys wearing necklaces and growing his hair long, and while his friends have occasionally pointed out that some of his choices are ‘for girls’, we’ve always reminded him to follow his heart. People will always have something to say, so we need to choose to do things our way, or we will forever be following someone else’s path.

No rush for formal schooling

When our son was little, he was fascinated with school buses, so we assumed he’d be excited to start school. However, when it came time to try out the playschool in our building complex, he refused to go inside, even though he didn’t really know what a school was. We tried to entice him by telling him about all the toys inside, but he still wouldn’t go near. Thankfully, I was in a position where I could stay home with him full-time, so we didn’t feel pressured to force the issue. We decided to wait until he was ready.

When he was about three and a half years old, he finally expressed interest in checking out schools and was genuinely excited. We selected a small school with just a handful of kids so he could receive more personalised attention. When he got older, we chose alternative schooling over mainstream options, focusing on holistic development rather than just academics. While he might not be solving maths problems at the same pace as other kids his age, he’s growing up to be a kind, cooperative child who loves to have fun and is learning maths along the way. 

Prioritising my well-being and delegating responsibilities

I remember feeling completely overwhelmed when I first became a mom. It wasn’t just the postpartum stress, it was also the lack of tools to understand and express what I was going through. When my son was about two years old, he innocently told me, “Mommy, don’t be sad, be happy.” That moment was a wake-up call for me. I realised I didn’t want my son to remember me as the mom who ‘sacrificed her happiness’ for her family. I wanted to be a happy mom who enjoyed her life with her family.  

That’s when I decided to seek the help of a therapist, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. I learned to prioritise my well-being. I started working out, tried to be more open with my feelings, and found better ways to vent out. 

I’m fortunate to have a strong support system, so I began asking for help without feeling guilty for not being able to do it all on my own. This shift made me happier, calmer, and better equipped to handle my emotions, allowing me to be a more present and joyful parent.

Doing my research

From breastfeeding to managing tantrums and even homeschooling, I made it a priority to do my research and learn as much as possible to support my child in the best way I could. I spent countless hours scouring the internet for reliable sources, seeking out evidence-based information and expert advice. Facebook support groups were incredibly valuable in expanding my perspective on parenthood, offering diverse viewpoints and shared experiences that helped me navigate this journey.

Parenting advice is everywhere—everyone has an opinion, and often, they’re not shy about sharing it. With so much conflicting information out there, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or unsure. I learned early on that for every decision you make as a parent, there will be a handful of supporters and countless others who disagree. Find what makes sense and works for you. When in doubt, check for research details instead of opinions and theories.

Being flexible

I’ve always liked being the one in control, so it was frustrating when my new baby didn’t realise it. Babies have their own unpredictable rhythms and don’t care that you want to eat in peace or take a nap. Eventually, I learned to let go and make the most of it. Instead of being frustrated that my baby woke up as soon as I put him down, I rocked him in my arms while reading a book on my Kindle. I was calmer, and that made my baby calmer.

When someone else took over the baby duties, I stopped stressing over whether things were done exactly the way I would do them. Even now, my son gets extra TV time at my parents’ house. It’s not ideal, but it’s also not the end of the world. 

We also embraced a more flexible approach to routines. For example, if bedtime is usually at 8 pm but there’s a special event or a party, we’re okay with bending the rules a little and letting him stay up later. We can always make up for lost sleep with a nap the next day. While routines are important, being able to adjust and go with the flow, and being open to new experiences are equally valuable. 

Choosing to have only one child

I love my son dearly, but the thought of having another child made me realise my limits as a parent. If I had another, I doubt I’d be able to enjoy parenting as much and would be constantly stressed out and overwhelmed. Having just one child allows me the time and space to recharge and ‘fill my cup’, so I’m not constantly running on empty. 

Convincing my husband that we were done after one was easy. I learned to ignore the constant questions from everyone else about when we were going to have another. But, there was a time when my son was around six or seven years old when he became quite eager for a sibling, specifically wanting one ‘from my tummy’. He asked me about it frequently, and I had to explain to him that my body and mind weren’t prepared for another child. It was tempting to consider his wishes, but I knew that it wasn’t the right decision for me, and he would eventually move past this disappointment.

This is by no means a comprehensive list. There are many behaviours that seem insignificant but all come together to make a positive impact on us all. This is also not something we’ve been able to achieve without support or without failing at some point.

I know that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to parenting. You will be a different parent to each of your kids if you have more than one. Parenting is about finding what works best for you and your child and being okay with making adjustments along the way. 

Celebrate the small victories, learn from the challenges, and give yourself grace when things don’t go as planned. Parenting is less about perfection and more about progress—about being present, intentional, and loving. Love and be there for your child, and the rest will follow.

What are some of your parenting wins?